Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Last Straw

Tonight's Weight Watchers meeting was about motivation; what one can do to keep going when the will to keep going keeps going away.

This was the last straw.
If this didn't work... then nothing ever would.
I've been there, though folks seem to believe I haven't.  There were plenty of times during my weight loss journey and even afterward where I felt a complete lack of motivation:  to eat right, to track, to exercise.

(To blog, yes...)

One of the things we talked about in order to keep motivation was to trigger our faulty memories.  Recall the why.  

We proceeded to talk about what our "last straw" was, and let me tell you, there were some amazing stories.  I think many folks were very inspiring and motivational themselves.

I did share my story there, and I'll share it here with you.  What my last straw was.

The fact of the matter is, there was a teeny-tiny spark in the back of my head that was desperate to keep me from going down the long dark tunnel of nothingness.  I'd given up on weight lost many months prior to that voice shrieking.  During those days, I'd given up on me.

I put absolutely zero effort into me.  I didn't care what I ate.  I didn't care what I wore.  What my hair looked like.  What I smelled like.  It didn't matter if I groomed or practice more than bare minimal personal hygiene because I was fat and stupid and there was no hope.

So I was pleased to live that way, stuck in my house in front of my PC with my  my lo mein and my pizza and my chips and barely live.

When I saw the ad at work for Weight Watchers, familiar faces peered out at me.  And the voice latched on.

"Come on!  Your doctor has been recommending this for years."

"She seems to think I'm healthy otherwise, she's not told me I have diabetes or high blood pressure.  My weight just runs in the family, there's no ho--"

"You have nothing to lose!  Prove me wrong!  Try it, please!"

"What if I do?  What if I fail?"

Silence.  And then, "Then I will give up too."

Probably the best summation of the thoughts that went into my head.  All I know is that after years of recommendations and half-hearted thoughts about it, I decided to try one last time.  And this would be the last time, to prove once and for all... I cannot lose weight.

That was the last straw.  And that was my turning point.

It would be one of the rare, precious times I'd thank a voice in my head... the voice that kept me from going further down a dark, lonely and dangerous place; a place where I'd find that I was not as healthy as I thought my doctor was leading me to believe.  

So please, if you lose your way, go back and remember why you're on your path.  Also know this... it is possible.  It may take much patience and time... but it will happen.

We will do this.  All of us together.


If you were even ever vaguely interested in Weight Watchers, I'm a big fan and I'd say give it a try.  Doctor Oz could possibly give you big money if you do, check it out!

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