Happy Friday! The More I Lost, The Fatter I Got

I realized, at some point today, that not only am I 16 pounds away from my final goal, I'm just a couple of pounds away from not being considered even overweight anymore.


This is crazy.  Absolutely impossible.  I can't be here.  I don't see how.


There was a point when I was losing weight, around half way to my goal, where something strange happened.  I looked in the mirror, and to my horror, I was getting fatter.


It's true.  Each day, the more I looked at myself, the fatter I'd get.  


People I'd see told me differently.  Oh, you're getting so thin!  Hey there Skinny Mini!  Don't lose too much more now!  It actually made me depressed, considering when I looked in the mirror, I was getting fatter.


The scale disagreed with me completely.  Which is unheard of.

During this time, I really had to focus
on the NSV (non-scale victories).  Today,
I can't even wear the engagement ring, and
wedding band is on my thumb.

Here's a fact you may or may not know about me... I weigh myself no less than 7 times a day.  In fact, if I only weigh myself 7 times, it's a minor miracle.  There have been two occasions where I got so crazy I demanded that The Husband cleverly hide the scale to save me from myself.  (I did manage to find it one time).


However, I digress.  Scale says (in it's non-verbal scale-like way), Girl, you are losin' it!  Your mind, and the weight!  Check it out, baby, these numbers are getting low!  It made me angry... because when I looked in the mirror, I was getting fatter still.


I didn't think much on why this strange phenomenon was occurring.  Who has time with all of the weighing and the crazy?  I'm not a super woman! The answer, however, came 1 year ago today.


It was time for me to renew my driver's license, which I had since moving to our house a couple of years prior.  I figured I'd go ahead and get a picture, even though it'd be all black and white and frowny... because this means I can update certain aspects of myself, such as my shiny-new weight.  I pull out my license and start getting everything together when I realize two things.

1. My stated weight was 2xx, about 10 pounds higher than my weight at that time.
2. I had lied about my weight by a lot at the time.

I grumbled and prepared to just renew over the web instead.  My "10 pound loss" didn't mean as much considering I'd lost so much more... and at least I'd be smiling in the recycled picture.

This event, however, made me realize why I was getting "fatter."  As friends and family and non-talking scale were all trying to tell me, I was not getting fatter.  Rather, I was truly seeing myself for the first time.  I lied to others and I lied to myself as to how overweight I'd become.  Now that I was actively trying to resolve the issue and looking at myself and my habits with the blinders off, my brain was finally interpreting the visual as it actually was, and not the glossed over "It's not so bad" filter.

It'd be a while before I actually started "losing" weight in my eyes again.  I'm afraid now I have the opposite problem.  Despite the assurances of friends and family and my non-sassy-attitude scale, I'm very near a normal weight.  

While I recognize that I'm not the 300+ woman I used to be, when I look in the mirror, when I look down, when I look at me... I'm still over 200.

I wish my brain would catch up again.  I know it will... but please, forgive my crazy in the meantime?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Two more things!

Chili-Glazed Pork with Sweet Potato Hash.
Not-pictured: Sugar Snap Peas

1. Now that running has come back into my life (and boy, did I miss it!) I think I'm going to change up my schedule ever-so-slightly.  Sundays I think I will head out to different places to run, just to change it up.  We'll see how it goes!
2. Real Simple Chili-Glazed Pork with Sweet Potato Hash... yummy!  It was really easy to make (especially with my sweet food processor of shreddy goodness), but boy!  Do I make a mess when I cook!  I almost didn't think the meal was worth it but... no, it totally was.  The pork was sweet and spicy, and the sweet potatoes were quite tasty.  I did add a dash (just a dash, get off my back Feds!) of salt to the sweet potato.  I did also add a side of quick cooked sugar snap peas with some garlic and crushed red pepper... because I wanted more sweet and heat.  Great meal!